i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
