it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
