woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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