I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
