her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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