and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
