Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
