But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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