I cut my penus on the lid.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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