The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
