he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
