woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
