i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
