between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
