I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
