She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
