At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
