how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
