Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
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