i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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