I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
