Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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