I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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