if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
