Your dad touched me again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
