when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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