***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
