Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
