After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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