So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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