It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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