So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
