I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
