Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
