i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
