she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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