He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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