I heard we made out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
