Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
