I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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