Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
