Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
