Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
