its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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