i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
