I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
