she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
