Banned from zoo.
Again?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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