we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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