Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i now understand why vodka
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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