remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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