Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
