I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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