why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
