Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
