nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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