Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
