If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
